


tell me baby, do you recognize me (well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me)

by SunsetRunner



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Alternative Universe - No Island, Christmas Season, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Love at First Sight, Meet-Cute, Slow Burn, holiday fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2019-02-04
Packaged: 2019-09-21 10:51:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17042348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SunsetRunner/pseuds/SunsetRunner
Summary: Here’s the thing, Felicity has never been one to buy into the whole “love at first sight” thing, and she’s still not. However, when she locks eyes with the man on the other side of the car, something happens. She feels utterly connected to him even though she can’t even guess his first name. If the look in his eyes says anything, he feels the same.Or the one where Oliver and Felicity fall in love at first sight and what comes next is four years of friendship, love, regret, and destiny.





	1. december 17th, 2018

**Author's Note:**

> here's this cute little fic inspired by josie silver's amazing book "one day in december"  
> title is from "last christmas" by wham!
> 
> This should be seven chapters when it's completed, and I'll try to post one a day until its completed. 
> 
> please leave a comment if you liked it!

****_Felicity_

Felicity’s life changes forever on a simple day when she’s hopping on the subway. 

 

It’s snowing like crazy in Boston, and Felicity wouldn’t be surprised if it was a winter wonderland by the time she woke up in the morning. That’s the thing about Boston, even the most mundane things like snowfall become magical in Felicity’s eyes. Maybe it’s because she’s from Las Vegas, where she didn’t see snow until she was 16, or maybe it’s just because Boston itself is magical.

 

After today, Felicity would probably wager and say that it was the city. 

 

She’s been waiting for the 7:00 train to take her back to her apartment, which she shares with her best friend Sarah, for the past 20 minutes. Felicity and Sara met during Felicity’s freshman year at MIT, when she was just 16 and trying to find her place in the world. Sara on the other hand, was running away from responsibility at the hands of her parents, moving into the big city as a form of rebellion against their wants for her to be a lawyer like her older sister Laurel. They met after Felicity got tired of living in the dorms and decided to move off campus, and Sara just happened to have a room available. It was the first time in her life that Felicity could remember ever really truly bonding with another person. Her friendship with Sara was bright, colorful, and happy, and it was the thing in her life which brought the most joy. 

 

Sara worked as a bartender at one of their frequent haunts between the MIT campus and Harvard. Felicity currently was interning at Wayne Industries’ R&D department until she graduates. Today was her division’s office party, and she’s pretty sure she still has tinsel in her hair from the tree. She thinks they’ll offer her a job when it’s done, but she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in Boston forever. Part of her longs to move back to Vegas, to be closer to her mother, but the rest of her rebels against thoughts of her childhood bedroom and the floorboards which have seen too much pain from the Smoak family. Mostly, she just wants to find a place where she can belong. 

 

The subway pulls up to the stop finally, and Felicity waits patiently as the doors open and the travelers file out onto the platform, each with a matching look of bored apathy on their faces. One the last one is out, Felicity walks onto the car and slides down into a seat next to the window, placing her purse on the seat next to her. She watches through the window as the rest of the people mill about their day, heading home to their families and their friends. Twisting her head, she scans the rest of the car she’s sitting in, before looking out on the other side of the platform. Her eyes flit between a woman with a bright orange sweater, to a little girl with a pink pony in her hands, to a man who is sitting on the bench.

 

For whatever reason, her gaze stops quickly on the man sitting on the bench with a laptop. His head is down and she can’t truly see his face, but she bets that he’s handsome. A beanie is wrapped around the top of his head, and she can make out stubble on his cheeks. There’s nothing truly remarkable about him to make her keep staring, but there’s something there that intrigues her, makes her wish that he would just look up and--

 

_ Oh.  _

 

Here’s the thing, Felicity has never been one to buy into the whole “love at first sight” thing, and she’s  _ still not _ . However, when she locks eyes with the man on the other side of the car,  _ something  _ happens. She feels utterly connected to him even though she can’t even guess his first name. If the look in his eyes says anything, he feels the same. There’s something there between them and Felicity’s heart is beating out of her chest. 

 

His eyes are bright and even though they’re about 15 feet apart, she thinks they look blue, like the sea. Currently, he’s blinking fast like he can’t quite believe what he’s seeing, and there’s a deep crease between his brows that she wants to smooth out with her fingers. She was right, he is handsome. But not in that pretty boy way that Felicity used to find attractive, he’s rugged, and he even looks a bit dangerous. Not her usual type, but something in him calls to her. 

 

She watches with rapt fascination as he opens his mouth to speak, something akin to shock in his eyes. Felicity can feel her mouth open in response but no words come out so she settles on a small smile. She wants to move to get off the subway, ask him for a drink, but she’s frozen in her seat, her hands clutching her worn coat tightly. The man grins in response and his eyes dart from side to side before settling back on hers. It takes a second for him to make some sort of decision before he’s standing up quickly and shoving his laptop into his messenger bag. He’s tall, she can tell from here, and has broad shoulders that make her stomach flutter. He’s gotten the bag around his shoulders and he strides forward towards the door and Felicity can’t believe that this is happening, that this is her life. 

 

Quickly, he moves forward to catch the subway but right as he’s about to get on, the doors slide shut in front of him. Felicity watches as the light in his eyes dims a little ( _ she was right, his eyes are blue _ ), and her stomach drops quickly, his gaze falls to the floor and his shoulders drop as he lets out a huge sigh. The man takes a deep breath and when he looks back up at her, Felicity is taken aback by the utter heat in his eyes. He stares at her for a few seconds before he offers her a sad smile and a weak wave  as the subway moves forward. Felicity turns in her seat to keep their eye contact and she does, until the car turns into the tunnel and he’s lost to her. 

 

Turning back around, Felicity sinks into her seat and she’s surprised to feel tears welling up in her eyes. Felicity can feel her heart breaking, which is wholly inappropriate given that she hasn’t even said one word to the man, yet she feels as if something monumental has just happened, and that she’s missed out on the rest of her life. She understands that this is ridiculous, but she presses her hand to her chest and she can feel it pounding against her skin, and she wonders how the fuck had she just fallen in love with a stranger on the subway. 

 

The train continues forward, taking her further and further away from the man she saw, and Felicity vows to herself that she’ll find him.

  
Eventually.

 

_Oliver_

Oliver lets out a huge sigh as he sits down on the bench across from the subway tracks. There’s about 30 minutes before his ride will get here, so he busies himself by responding to an email from his father. Robert has been pressuring him to join the family business for months, and now that Oliver is close to graduating from Harvard with his degree in business, the calls and emails and texts have been never ending from his parents. It’s not that Oliver doesn’t want to work at Queen Consolidated once he moves back to Starling, but he wants,  _ needs,  _ it to be on his own terms. He knows that if it’s not 100 percent his decision, he’ll come to regret it in the future. 

 

Either way, he’s sitting in this subway station dreading going back to his and Tommy’s  apartment, because that means he’s that much closer going back to Starling City, where for the entire break, he’ll be fielding questions from his parents about his love life, or lack thereof (discounting the one night stands which have become a staple in his life). It seems like his parents are incapable of believing that he needs to get to know himself and find his place in life before he tries to make a home. He’s nowhere near ready to settle down and get married (he’s only twenty-three for God’s sake), but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t sometimes, when he’s laying alone in bed at night, wish for someone to share his life with. Finishing up his email to his father, his laptop alerts with a notification, and he sees that Thea has sent him a text.

 

_ Miss you big brother. Can’t wait to see you at home oo -t _

 

A smile breaks out on his face. No matter how much he doesn’t want to deal with his parents, he will never pass up an opportunity to see his baby sister. 

 

_ Miss you too Speedy. I’ll be home soon oo -o _

 

He doesn’t know what makes him look up from the messaging app, but when he does he locks eyes with a woman on the train. There’s nothing extraordinary about her; she’s a beautiful woman with pale skin and hair, and he thinks he can see something shiny in the strands behind her left ear. However, when they lock eyes a jolt goes through him (he can’t tell the color from behind her glasses, but he  _ knows  _ they’re beautiful) and his heart beats faster. It’s like he recognizes her, his heart saying  _ Oh, it’s you.  _

 

He watches as her mouth opens in confusion, and he has the strange desire to go to her, to talk to her. He feels foolish then, because of this overwhelming urge to take the wrong bus. He sits there for a split second and weighs his options; either he gets on this bus and talks to the beautiful woman who he feels like he recognizes even though he’s never met her before, or he can let her go. Maybe they talk and it’s awkward and she’s the most vain person he’s ever met. Or maybe it changes his life. Suddenly, he realizes that if he lets her go, he’ll regret it for the rest of his life, no matter the outcome, because he’ll always wonder, wonder what could have been. 

 

After a second of confusion, Oliver looks left then right, before standing up to shove his laptop into his bag. He can’t believe he’s doing this, he’s not one to take these types of chances, but he looks back at the woman on the subway and he knows that he  _ needs  _ to know her. His heart is going a mile a minute and the grin on his face feels like it’s going to split open. He can’t remember the last time he was so giddy, but this feels important. 

 

Oliver strides purposefully up towards the door and he watches as the woman’s eyes and smile widen and he can feel his stomach fluttering.  _ God, she’s beautiful.  _ He’s two steps away from reaching the subway car when the doors slide shut. His heart drops into his stomach and his gaze falls to the ground; he doesn’t want her to see the utter defeat in his eyes. His shoulders drop on a sigh, and he’s content to just stare at the ground until she’s around the tunnel, but he wants to take one more look before she’s gone to him. 

 

When he looks back up, Oliver  looks at her for a moment before he musters his strength to give her a small smile and a sad wave. If he’s not mistaken, he can feel the burn of tears in the back of his eyes and he kicks himself for taking too long to board the car. Funnily enough, she looks as devastated as him as she gives him a smile in return and he keeps eye contact with her as the car moves forward. He continues to stand there, frozen to the spot as he looks at the place he last saw her for long minutes.

 

Oliver has no idea what just happened, he just knows that he’s never felt that connection with  _ anyone  _ before, not his family, not his friends, not women when he’s inside them,  _ no one.  _ He knows instinctively deep down that if he had gotten on the car, the woman he met inside it would have changed his life, would have been magnificently important to him. 

 

But he didn’t. And now she’s gone. 

 

He feels like she just took the rest of his life with her. 

  
  
  
  



	2. december 25th, 2019

_Felicity_

“Are you excited to meet him, Lis?”

 

Felicity rolls her eyes for what seems like the twentieth time today. Sara has been bouncing out of her skin for the entire night, waiting for the moment when her best friend meets her new boyfriend. They’ve only lived in Starling City for six months, and Sara has already found someone to share her time with. Felicity and Sara are currently setting up their apartment for a Holiday slash Birthday party for Sara.

 

They met at the bar Sara was tending, and he was the club owner’s sister. Sara, being the amazing person she is, wouldn’t let him get his drinks until he asked her out. One month later, and all Felicity has heard about since then is about how Sara’s new boyfriend is a sex-god in bed and how Sara’s pretty sure he’s the man she’s going to marry. Felicity feels a bit insecure at the thought of that, at the thought of losing her best friend who has been with her pretty much every day since they met in Boston, who followed her out to the West Coast, who spent six months following her encounter with subway-boy trying to find him in every bar and club in Boston. However, Felicity just wants Sara to be happy, and if this guy does that, then he’s good in Felicity’s book.

 

Since she and Sara had moved to Starling over the summer, her search for the man who she saw that fateful day in the subway has stopped. Before then, she had gone out so much more frequently than she ever had before, trying to see every face in a room to see if it was possibly the same person. But alas, it must not have been meant to be because she never saw him again and then she and Sara were moving across the country and her near impossible odds of meeting him became truly impossible.

 

The night before Felicity left Boston, when all of her things were boxed up, she went out one final time and sat in the subway for a while, hoping for some reason that her mystery man would show up. But he didn’t. So after an embarrassing amount of time sitting on the very bench she saw him sit months earlier, she went home and Sara comforted her into a pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

 

She hadn’t thought much about the subway boy since they had moved; most of her thoughts were dominated by her burgeoning technology company. It’s meant a lot of late nights and rough transitions, but she’s fairly confident that this next year will be the year she finally gets it up off the ground.

 

“Yes, Sar. I can’t wait to meet your hunk of a man, who I’m sure will be enchanted with my lack of a brain to mouth filter,” she pauses and winks at her roommate. “I’ll try not to orgasm at the sight of him, babe.”

 

Sara guffaws and whips the towel she was using to clean their wine glasses at Felicity’s ass. In response, felicity flicks water at Sara and they start to giggle uncontrollably. This is what Felicity would miss when Sara eventually moved on and out, their easy friendship which has such a cornerstone for her life for the past few years. After a few moments, Sara grows serious.

 

“All joking aside, Felicity. I really want you to like him. He means a lot to me and I think you guys could be really good friends. I really enjoy my time with him and I hope the three of us could hang out.”

 

“Of course, Sar. I’m sure I’m gonna love him.”

 

A wide smile splits Sara’s face and she lunges to wrap her hands around Felicity’s shoulders. Felicity relaxes into the embrace and hugs her back.

 

“Oh Lis, I know you will. I just know it.”

 

The sound of the intercom buzzing brings them out of their embrace and Sara steps back, grinning widely. Felicity realizes  for not the first time that this mystery guy has brought a lot of happiness into Sara’s life, and she thanks him silently for that.

 

“That must be him, I’ll go down and grab him.” She slips out of the apartment, a noticeable skip in her step.

 

Nodding, Felicity turns back to the bar and places all of their glasses and alcohol on it. It’s just going to be a small party; Felicity, Sara and her boyfriend, Felicity’s new partner Curtis and his husband Paul, and their new friends Dinah, and Rene who live down the hall from them.

 

The door opens from behind her and Felicity can hear their conversation, the warm tones of their voice betraying the intimacy between them.

 

“Happy birthday Sar, I brought some wine,” his voice is pleasant to listen to, deep and warm like espresso on a cold day. Placing the last tumbler on the counter, Felicity spins around with a smile on her face to greet their first guest.

 

She can only see his back at first as he presumably leans down to press a quick kiss to Sara’s lips, but it doesn’t last long. He shrugs off his coat and Sara moves forward to grab Felicity’s hand.

 

“Felicity— this is Oliver. Oliver, this is my best friend, Felicity.”

 

At his name, Oliver turns around with a friendly smile on his face and a hand outstretched. Time seems to stand still as Felicity stares at his face.

 

_Oh fuck._

 

It’s him. The man from the subway back in Boston. _How is he here?_ He’s so handsome up close, with familiar stubble covering his cheeks and jaw, and his eyes are boring into hers with the same amount of shock on them. _Blue._ Felicity had known they were blue, and she can’t seem to move. The man that she’s been trying to find for just over a year is _here. He’s in her living room._ He’s with Sara.

 

Oh my god.

 

_He’s with Sara._

 

Realizing that she’s been staring for too long, whether it be two seconds or two minutes, she sticks her hand out quickly. His comes out to meet hers and it’s warm and strong and she feels _safe, and_ which is a weird thing to get from a handshake but that’s what’s happening.

 

“Oliver,” selfishly, she takes a moment to savor the feel of his name on her tongue for the first time. _His name is Oliver._ “It’s so nice to finally meet you.” She’s nodding like a crazy person, and she wishes she could stop herself but she’s spiraling out of control.

 

“Felicity.”

 

God, her name sounds so good coming out of his mouth. She can’t believe this is happening— she’s spent an entire year searching for him in every single man she’s met, and all of a sudden he’s here in Starling, here in her apartment, and he’s Sara’s? It doesn’t feel real. She feels like she’s having a heart attack.

 

“I’m glad we’re finally meeting. She never shuts up about you.” her tongue feels like sandpaper as she forces the word out.

 

Sara laughs at that and Felicity watches as Oliver’s eyes crinkle up at the corners following her joke. Realizing she’s still shaking his hand, she pulls it back to feel that she’s trembling. Taking a deep breath, she pushes down the inner turmoil she’s feeling. She looks at Sara quickly, almost expecting her to be angry and for her to be able to tell Felicity’s thoughts.

 

“Ah guys I’m so happy that you are finally meeting! My two favorite people in the world.” Felicity can hear the happiness seeping out of her voice, and it makes the guilt seep deeper and deeper into her chest.

 

Sara steps forward and wraps an arm around both of them as they venture further into the apartment, seemingly unaware of the way that Felicity’s pretty sure her heart is breaking.

 

“Do you guys want a drink?” Felicity prompts when they reach the bar. Sara and Oliver take a seat and Felicity can see through the glass top as Sara places a hand on Oliver’s thigh. _This isn’t right. This isn’t what was supposed to happen._

 

“I’ll have a beer, thank you.”

 

His answer is polite and a bit timid. She wonders if it’s because he’s trying to behave for his girlfriend’s best friend or if it’s because he remembers her from the subway. Felicity tries to convince herself it’s the former. Any other thoughts will not end well for anyone. She’s built their pseudo-encounter up in her head for a year, and it’ll just take some time for her to get over her crush.

 

Her crush.

 

That’s what she convinces herself it is.

 

“Red wine for me, Lis.” Sara props her hand up on the countertop and turns her body to look Oliver in the eyes. Felicity has studiously avoided eye contact since their introduction. _Does he remember her?_

 

“Isn’t she amazing? I know you two are gonna be great friends.” Felicity nearly flinches at that.

 

She places their drinks down gently on the bar, grabbing herself a glass of wine too, and when she looks up, her eyes are immediately drawn to Oliver’s. Instead of looking at Sara, who is so close that her face is nearly pressing into his neck, his eyes are trained on Felicity’s. There’s an air of calculation in his eyes, like he’s trying to figure her out. For what seems like the thousandth time in the past five minutes, she wonders if he remembers her or if he just knows her as Sara’s best friend.

 

“Just as great as you said she was, Sar.”

 

_Oh, fuck._

 

_Oliver_

_Oh, fuck._

 

Sara’s hair tickles his face as they lay in her bed. She’s dead asleep but he’s too wired to pass out, so he lays there, pretty much contemplating his entire existence. His hand is absently grazing her shoulder as he stares up at the rotating fan on her ceiling. Round and round it goes. He sinks further into disbelief.

 

Quickly extracting his hand gently from under Sara’s back he slides out of the bed and grabs a pair of gray sweatpants and a Harvard sweatshirt to venture out into the cold apartment air. A hand grasps at the material of his pants and he turns around to find Sara with her eyes still closed.

 

“Can you grab me some water?” Her voice is rough and scratchy and fucking hot as hell.

 

“Sure,” he murmurs, reaching down to tuck an errand strand of hair behind her ear.

 

She’s so beautiful, and his, but he can’t fully appreciate the sight he feels too guilty. _For what?_ For having remembered his girlfriend’s roommate from a passing moment over a year ago? He has nothing to be ashamed of.

 

Right?

 

“I’ll be right back,” he doubts that she can hear him though, the fog of her hangover and the call of sleep too much to overcome. He leaves the room and shuts the door behind him.

 

Walking through the apartment hallway, he can see dozens of pictures lining the walls of Sara and subway girl-- _Felicity._ If he’s going to live through this, he’s going to need to refer to her by her actual name, not the one that he’s been calling her for a year; he needs to know her as Sara’s best friend, not the fantasy that he’s damn near built up to perfection in his head.

 

God, he doesn’t even know how this happened.

 

He’s been hearing about Felicity from Sara weeks, since they started dating, and he’d never honestly thought twice about her. She seemed nice, albeit a bit quirky, from Sara’s descriptions, but nothing about her made him wonder if it was possible that Felicity was _her._ He’s been here a handful of times in the last month, all late nights with sweat and rucked sheets, but he’s never thought to look at the pictures before. If he had only taken the time---.

  


Finally reaching the kitchen, he’s surprised to see the light on. Deciding to ignore the awkward conversation, he doesn’t acknowledge Felicity where she sits next to the bar, her head laying on the glass countertop.

 

“If you need aspirin, it’s in the left drawer next to the sink.”

 

He quickly ventures a look back and sees that she hasn’t lifted her head up. He wonders if she knew it was him without looking, if somehow they were still connected the same way they were a year ago. He wouldn’t doubt it.

 

The jolt that went through him when he locked eyes with her has stayed with him in the many days since, manifesting itself in the form of half-lucid random dreams where he sees her, the woman whose name he doesn’t know. Those are the worst, or _best,_ in his opinion; where he sees a streak of blonde hair with tinsel in it, beautiful blue eyes behind glasses, cherry red lips formed into a smile. They are the worst when he wakes up-- hard, frustrated and longing for even a sliver of the connection he felt with he-- Felicity that day on the train.

 

He wonders if she remembers him.

 

He doesn’t know what he hopes the answer to that question is.

 

Yes and it validates all of the fucking cheesy thoughts he’s had over the past year, lets him know that it wasn’t just all built up in his head.

 

No-- he’s pretty damn sure that would break his heart; but it would save him from the awkwardness he’s feeling, the regret about missed opportunities.

 

“Thanks,” he rifles through the drawer before turning back to her.

 

Another jolt goes through him at the sight of her, bundled up in a too-large for her frame MIT sweatshirt, her knees pulled against her chest, and her head resting on them. Her blonde hair is pulled up into a messy bun on top of her head, and her glasses are perched on her nose. The same thought that rushed through him in that goddamn subway flashes again; _God, she’s beautiful._

 

He offers her the bottle first, and she gratefully takes the aspirin and pops two into her mouth. “Sara likes--”

 

“Three.”

 

“Three.”

 

Her eyes meet his for the first time that morning and they both huff out a laugh. There’s not quite a smile on her lips, just a small quirk in the corner. She moves her legs to stand up, and Oliver’s pretty sure he’s never hated himself more than when his eyes track the movement, scanning her from the top of her bun all the way down her uncovered legs to her toenails, currently covered with a bright green polish.

 

He knows he’d never do anything like that; never jeopardize his relationship with Sara. He would have, back before he left for college, he was that kind of guy. Honestly, he probably would have done it a year ago too, before he had an awe-inspiring encounter on a subway platform that made him want to grow the fuck up. It would be so easy, too-- just to back her into the bar and run his hands down to her hips, lift her up and press himself close. To finally lean down and taste her lips for the first time after months of dreaming about them.

 

But he’s not that guy anymore. And he values his relationship with Sara. And Felicity probably doesn’t even remember him.

 

_Right?_

 

“Sara’s told me a lot about you.”

 

Oliver works to grab a cup and fill it with water for Sara, and he leans back against the counter, crossing his legs. He watches as Felicity’s smile reaches her eyes, she’s standing against the wall in the kitchen.  He notices that the coffeemaker is on, and he gestures to it before grabbing a mug for himself, and after Felicity’s nod, one for her too.

 

“God, I certainly hope not,” she pauses in thought. “Did she happen to tell you how I like my coffee?”

 

“Um,” Oliver pours two cups of coffee, the delicious aroma wafting around them. He’s lost for words. “Unfortunately, not.” He turns to the right and grabs a teaspoon from where he knows they are. Reaching up to grab sugar and cream from the cupboard, he continues.

 

“But if I had to guess,” he pauses like he means it, squinting his eyes at her. “I would guess you take it sweet, probably at least  two sugars and a bit of creamer.” What the fuck is he doing? He's not flirting, _he's not_ , but he's damn close. She must think he's a creep who's trying to come onto his girlfriend's best friend. He kicks himself internally.

 

She doesn’t respond, just continues to look at him like she’s trying to figure him out.

 

Just as he's doing to her.

 

A few moment pass before a beatific smile fills her face.

 

“I think you’re onto me, Queen.”

 

“You’re kidding.” He laughs.  She pushes off the wall and comes close to grab the mug. He’s ashamed to admit that his heart picks up speed, his stomach rolling.

 

“I wish I was. But alas, no,” she turns back and heads to the fridge, bending down slightly to retrieve a vanilla creamer from the side door. Turning back to Oliver, she pours a fair amount of the liquid into her coffee.

 

“We all have our vices.”

 

Oliver watches as she dunks two sugars into the drink and swirls it around with a teaspoon, before placing it in the sink. She turns around and heads around the corner to her room and he has to force himself not to stare at her ass as she leaves.

 

_What the fuck?_

 

Shaking off his thoughts which only just border on indecent, he fixes himself the coffee and heads back to Sara’s room with her water and pills. He opens the door slowly to find Sara turned over in bed and hugging his pillow. A strike of fondness lances his chest and he smiles. Closing the door behind him, he pads to the bed and sets the coffee down before gently shaking her awake to give her the pills.

She’s squinting at him in the early morning light and he thinks to himself that she’s never looked as cute as she does right now.

 

“What do you think of her?” He acts aloof, taking a deep sip of his coffee.

 

“What do I think of who?” He slides into the bed, and puts his arm around Sara’s shoulder, drawing her closer.

 

She slaps his chest gently.

 

“Felicity, of course,” she pauses, then turns to look at him, serious for one of the only times he can remember. “I really want you two to like each other. I want the two of you to be friends.”

 

He leans down to press a kiss on her forehead.

 

“She seems great. I’m sure we’ll get along fine.” Sara seems to like the answer and snuggles further into his chest. He feels content, but wonders quietly if there’s something missing. He runs his fingers up and down Sara’s back, lost in his own thoughts.

 

Shaking off the thought, he looks out the window as Sara falls back asleep.

 

_Everything was going to be fine._

 

The first night might have been a little awkward yes, but Oliver just needs to figure out how to reprocess Sara’s best friend from fantasy sex partner to new platonic friend. He needs to figure out to do this, and quick, because if he and Sara ever break up, she’d take Felicity with her. The thought makes his gut churn.

 

Of losing Sara, he means.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys liked the second chapter! please leave a comment to let me know what you think! 
> 
> just to let you know, there will be absolutely NO cheating in this fic, so you don't have to worry about that. 
> 
> tumblr: smolsmoak
> 
> thanks for reading!  
> -rach


	3. december 24th, 2020

_Oliver_

 

“Did you ever think when Sara introduced us that we’d end up being such good friends?” Felicity’s soft voice breaks through his thoughts as he stares at the fire, lounged into her couch. Sara is entertaining their guests-- all of the usuals along with some new people that Felicity has met in her pursuit of growing her business.

 

His chest grows tight with fondness as he looks down at Felicity. Her eyes are screwed shut and her head is tipped just barely against his shoulder. She’s just on the drunk side of tipsy, after drinking wine and champagne all night. She’s wearing a beautiful gold sweater and dark skinny jeans, and her lips are the same cherry red that they were that day on the subway. She’s beautiful, but he’s learned to push down those thoughts.

 

He wonders if she feels the same lines between them that he does. It’s been nearly a year since they were formally introduced, and not too much has changed since them except for his friendship with Felicity. It’s one of the things he values most in his life. Sara and him are still together, even if their relationship is strained. He’s still shadowing his father at QC, working up to taking over for him.

 

“I’ve known that we were gonna be close since the moment I met you,” there’s a warm tone in his voice that Oliver has come to expect when he’s talking to or about Felicity. He tries not to read too much into it.

 

The past year has been the best year of his life; he’s in a relationship with a woman he can confidently call a good friend, he’s earned a new best friend in the form of Felicity, and he’s finally ready to take over Queen Consolidated and fulfil his parents’ wishes. If someone would have asked him _two_ years ago, right after the subway incident he has spent hours trying to remove from his memory, if this was going to be his life-- having Felicity in it, but being with her best friend instead, he would have laughed and called them crazy.

 

“The first moment we were introduced, or the first moment we _met?_ ”

 

His heart stops, and his thumb stops where it was absently rubbing against his forefingers. He has a decision to make; he can tell her the truth, which will only cause her _and him_ heartache, but will ultimately turn out the best course of action. Or he can lie and save her from the pain of knowing that it can never happen between them, even though by all accounts it should have.

 

God, he doesn’t want to.

 

Because whatever he says he knows it’s going to forever change his friendship with Felicity, a thing that has brought innumerable amounts of joy to his life over the past year. He thinks back to lunch coffee outings at the little cafe halfway between the space she leased for Smoak Tech and QC. He thinks back to comforting her after her father went to prison, the first time he held her close as Sara wiped tears off her best friend’s face. He thinks back to telling her things he’s never told another person, not even Sara, about how sometimes he feels like a stranger in his own life. He thinks back to confiding in her that he’s not sure his relationship with Sara is working anymore, confiding that he thinks there’s beginning to be a distance between them, one that he doesn’t know if he can overcome.

 

Mostly he just thinks about Felicity.

 

How she gets a crinkle in her brow when she’s working through a problem, or how she’s intensely protective over Sara, to the point of putting her best friend’s happiness over hers, he assumes. He can see her at all times of day, in the morning when she’s telling him how much she hates him for waking her up for an early morning run. How she seems to know whatever he’s going to say before he says it, how she’s the most supportive friend he’s ever had.

 

That’s how he makes his decision.

 

He knows it’s going to break her heart, but he needs to protect her _and himself_ in the long run. He thinks in that split second that all of this has been running through his head that this will break his heart too.

 

“You mean when Sara introduced us?”

 

He can feel her tense up next to him, practically hears her heart stop for a moment. God, he’s never hated himself more. He doesn’t dare look at her though. He hopes she’ll take the easy out and go along with it.

 

“No…” Oliver shuts his eyes and tips his head back against the couch. Felicity lets out a huff that could be a chuckle or a sob, he doesn’t want to know.

 

“You probably don’t remember,” _he does._

 

“But I actually saw you back in Boston, in the subway. I was getting on the bus, and this sounds dumb  but I remember seeing you and thinking, ‘wow, he’s going to be important to me’.” _Please stop._

 

She pauses like she’s waiting for him to say something, but he doesn’t know what to say. He wants to say _yes, I remember. I remember seeing you with the fucking tinsel in your hair, looking like everything I’d ever wanted sitting right in front of me. I remember how much I hated myself for not getting up sooner. I remember what it felt like to damn near fall in love with you at first sight._

 

And he _almost_ says it. Almost. But then his mind flashes back to Sara, who he loves, he does. He sees her in the morning, back when they first got together, when her hair would fly over his face and get stuck in his mouth. He sees her at night, when she would look at him like he was her entire world. He knows things aren’t the same between them as they were, he doesn’t know if they’ll last or if they’ll move on, but he knows he has to try.

 

“I don’t remember that, sorry, Lis.” He stares steadfast at the fire, doesn’t want to see the look of disappointment on her face. He can feel it in the way that her stance changes, moving slightly away from him and curling into herself.  _God, he hates himself._

 

He wonders if she knows he’s lying.

 

He wonders if she can hear his heart break.

 

* * *

 

Some time later, Oliver is helping Sara put away things from their party. Felicity is somewhere in the apartment talking to the few straggling guests they still have. He tries not to think about how quickly she got up after he lied to her on the couch, after apologizing and how he hasn’t seen her since. The wine glasses are in the dishwasher and they’re working in sync to wrap up the food to put in the refrigerator. It’s mechanical, with no emotion to it.

 

Almost like their relationship recently.

 

They haven’t said two words to each other since they started, and the silence is eating away at him. Sara breaks the silence first, placing a dish into the fridge before turning back to him. There’s a look in her eyes that he doesn’t recognize, like she’s preparing herself.

 

“Ollie-- I need to ask you something, and I need you to be honest with me.”

 

“Okay,” he nods encouragingly.

 

“Are you happy?” she takes a shuddering breath. “With me, I mean?”

 

Oliver goes stock still at the sink. He thinks that you could probably hear a pin drop it’s so silent. He thinks about lying and telling her that he is happy, but he knows that he needs to be honest.

 

“I don’t know, Sara. I’m not _unhappy._ ”

 

Oliver watches as Sara blinks quickly, and he thinks he can see a sheen of tears in her eyes.

 

“That’s how I feel,” she shakes her head. “It’s like I know I love you-- I do. But there’s no passion anymore, no improving, no moving forward, no growing.” she looks as if she’s steeling herself.

 

“I actually thought you would propose tonight.”

 

Whatever Oliver expected her to say, it wasn’t that. He can feel the floor drop out beneath him.

 

“I had hoped that the distance the last few months was just you trying to not tell me about it, but I’m starting to realize that we’re not there, and I don’t think we ever will be there.” The last sentence comes out in a quick exhale.

 

Putting down the plate he was holding tight, he walks over to enfold her in his arms. Her curves against him feel achingly familiar, but she’s right, it doesn’t feel the same. He holds love for her in his heart, but he’s not sure he’s _in love_ with her anymore. Or if he ever was. His heart hurts at disappointing her by not proposing, but to be honest, the thought never even crossed his mind.

 

“Sar-- I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You don’t have to say anything.” She pushes back from him slightly to look him in the eyes. “I can see it, you know. How you’re holding back. And I don’t want that, babe. I want someone who can be with me fully, who loves me passionately and wants to grow _with me._ ”

 

_But that’s not you._

 

She doesn’t say it, but he hears it nonetheless.

 

“I just think we both deserve to be truly happy. And neither of us is gonna get that from this relationship,” her voice is thick, and Oliver can tell how much this affects her.

 

He nods solemnly. “I know, I know.” Sara takes him into another hug, and he knows that this is a goodbye to their relationship. It makes his heart ache, but he’s not breaking inside like he thought he would be.

 

“I have one more question for you.”

 

Somehow, he feels like this is more important than the first.

 

“I’ve been thinking about this for a long time, months. Just seeing you two togeth--.I didn’t want to bring it up, but I need to know. Do you-- or have you-- ever had feelings for Felicity?”

 

He takes in a gasping breath, his heart starting back up. He looks past her to see Felicity on the bar, with one of Curtis’ friends fixing her a drink. Oliver  stares at her for a few moments before meeting Sara’s eyes again.

 

“I’m not blaming you, Oliver. Or her. It’s just sometimes I would see you together, and there’d be this _light_ in your eyes that I’d never seen before, with anyone, not just me. And I would realize instinctively that meant you had _something_ with her. But then I’d shake it out of my head because she’s my best friend and I know neither of you would ever do anything to hurt me. But, I need to know-- do you?”

 

It feels wrong to be on the precipice of telling the truth, after a year of keeping it to himself and hoping it would go away. But then he thinks about Felicity, and how brave she was tonight by telling him her truth, even if he didn’t give his in return. With a slow realization, he knows that he needs to offer Sara the same truth that Felicity offered him.

 

“Yes.”

 

_Felicity_

 

After her conversation with Oliver and the heartbreak she felt when she realized he didn’t remember her, Felicity made it her sole mission to get utterly wasted and forget that the night had even happened. Currently, she was nursing a half empty bottle of red, standing in the corner talking to her business partner Curtis.

 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Felicity?”

 

“Yes! I wish you would stop asking me that.” If he notices her words slurring a bit, he’s too polite to mention anything.

 

“Okay, it’s just… I saw you and Oliver having what seemed to be a pretty deep conversation. Is everything okay with the two of you?”

Felicity can feel her heart sink as she thinks back to her conversation with him. God, she was so sure that he would have remembered. The moment their eyes met on the subway was something she knew would stick with her for the rest of her life. However, she hadn’t planned on asking him, on putting him in that sort of position since he was happily with Sara, but it had just slipped out. She wishes she could go back and suck the words back in, wishes she could go back to the subway and keep her head down so that she had never seen him. 

 

_No._

No matter how terrible she feels, she wouldn't want to give up that moment of utter connection that she felt, not for anything. She would keep that moment for herself, tucked away, a bright memory just for herself. She wouldn't let it be tainted by anything else. 

 

“I’m not sure. I hope so, but I guess time will tell.” Curtis offers her a small smile and heads off to rejoin his husband in the dining room. Felicity turns back towards the fire and tries not to focus on how distraught she is that Oliver doesn’t remember her.

 

_What did she expect would happen?_

 

Shaking her head, Felicity takes a long pull on the wine.

 

It’s not like she wants Oliver to leave Sara for her, she doesn’t want that. She’s mostly gotten over her crush on him since the subway, even if this past year has meant spending a lot of time with him where she continues to find out just how amazing he is. She is happy for Sara, truly; she’s happy for Oliver too. They make such a good couple; and it’s not like Oliver would ever be with a girl like her anyway.

 

The two of them, they were unthinkable.

 

_Unthinkable._

 

She tries to convince herself of this, all the while knowing that she’s lying to herself.

 

Felicity is broken out of her reverie by the feel of cold liquid splashing onto her back. For a split second, she imagines it’s Sara, angry at her for trying to steal her boyfriend, and she flinches.

 

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry,” the person who spilled their drink on Felicity has a voice that is decidedly _male_ and she lets out an imperceptible sigh.

 

Turning around, she looks way up and meets dark brown eyes. The man in front of her is only relatively familiar, probably one of Curtis’ friends from the tech community. He’s handsome with a conventionally handsome face, clean shaven, with nearly black hair floating on his forehead. He seems nice, and when he smiles Felicity can see a dimple in his right cheek.

 

Nice. _Wholesome._

 

She wipes at her wet sweater, thankful that it just seems to be champagne.

 

“Don’t worry about it,” she offers him a small smile and reaches her hand out. “I’m Felicity. Smoak.” The man’s smile widens and he leans forward to grasp her hand in his own. It’s warm and slightly clammy, but not altogether unpleasant, and it leaves a warm feeling in Felicity’s stomach.

 

“I know.” He continues shaking her hand and suddenly his words seem to catch up to him, and he lets go as his eyes widen. “I mean, of course I know-- you’re Curtis’ partner, and this is _your_ apartment. So yeah, I know who you are.” He’s nodding quickly , and it endears him to Felicity, to see how awkward he is.

 

“And you are?”

 

“I’m Ray. Palmer.”

 

She offers a bright grin.

 

“It’s nice to meet you Ray. Can I get you another drink?”

 

“I think I’m supposed to offer you that, since I did spill my drink on you. Purely accidental of course.” She wonders after he adds the last sentence if it was really an accident, but either way she doesn’t really care. Curtis has talked about Ray before, and he’s wanted to set them up, but Felicity was never interested. Now she was.

 

“Okay.”

 

“Okay?” He seems surprised. “Well… lead the way.”

 

He gestures to the bar and Felicity leads him over. On the way over, she notices Oliver and Sara deep in conversation by the refrigerator. She watches as Oliver moves forward to wrap Sara in a hug and she has to turn away, guilt eating away at her. She wonders what they’re talking about.

 

Did Oliver tell Sara about her embarrassing blunder? Does Sara think she’s trying to steal Oliver away? Are they laughing about her right now? No-- of course not. That’s not who Oliver and Sara are.

 

“What’s your poison?” Ray’s voice brings her back to the task at hand. He grabs a tumbler and fills two fingers with the scotch that Oliver brought over. She slides over and hops on the bar, her legs swinging, her back to Sara and Oliver. That feels symbolic to her.

 

“How about some champagne?”

 

Ray nods and sets to work grabbing her drink.

 

“You know-- I’ve been looking over at you all night just waiting for the right moment to come over and introduce myself,” Felicity traces his face with her eyes, from his strong jaw to his nose to his kind eyes.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Yeah, Curtis has been telling me for months that I should ask you out. I was a bit hesitant-- I got out of a pretty long term relationship about 4 months ago, and I didn’t want to immediately jump into anything else. I thought you deserved better than that.”

 

He hands her the drink.

 

“Well, I’m glad you came over.”

 

“Me too.” His eyes are sparkling in the low light and butterflies fly up in Felicity’s stomach. She has a feeling that Ray is someone she was meant to know, and she's excited about the possibility of them. 

 

* * *

 

Nearly an hour later, all of the other guests are gone except for Ray and Oliver. Felicity hasn’t seen the latter since he was in the kitchen with Sara, having what looked like a pretty intense conversation. The former, however, has been a staple by her side for the entire time. She and Ray moved out onto the balcony about thirty minutes ago, and they’re standing there mostly quietly, looking out at the city lights around them.

 

“I have a question for you,” Ray is standing close enough that her shoulder is pressed against his arm. He’s been playing with her right hand for the past few minutes, running his fingers up and down her palm, around her wrist, and he finally intertwines them. She squeezes his hand in return.

 

“Shoot,” she turns towards him slightly, and tilts her head up in order to look him in the eyes.

 

“If I kissed you right now, what would you do?” Ray’s voice is shy and timid and Felicity smiles widely.

 

She opens her mouth to respond, but Oliver’s face flashes through her mind quickly, his handsome face and beautiful eyes filling her thoughts. 

 

_What the fuck?_

 

She snaps it shut, tamps down on the feeling that she’s cheating on Oliver. _They’re nothing_ . She was mistaken about their encounter, and they were just good friends. He’s with Sara, and they’re happy, and _Felicity is happy for them._ Yes, she thought for a second there that something was between them, but that was over-- and Ray is here, looking at her like she’s the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, and it feels _good._ He deserves better than her for think about someone else while they’re spending time together, so she tries to push Oliver from her mind completely.

 

“Well, why don’t you find out?” Her voice is light and flirty, and she almost doesn’t recognize it. Felicity’s not ashamed to admit that it’s been a while since she was in a position where she needed to flirt with anyone.

 

Ray chuckles and Felicity watches in what seems like slow motion as he raises his hand that’s not currently in hers to cup her cheek, and he slowly leans forward. His eyes flutter closed, and she’s fascinated by the way his eyelashes look on his cheeks, long and dark.

 

Just before his lips are about to touch hers, Felicity’s eyes close and she closes the last few inches between them. His lips are soft and warm and slightly chapped, but goosebumps erupt along her arms. She turns further into him until their facing each other and her hand goes up to cup his jaw. He drops her hand to wrap his arm around her waist, drawing her into his strong embrace.

 

She relishes in the feel of the hard planes of his body against her soft curves, and opens her mouth to run her tongue across the seam of his lips.

 

In that moment, Oliver is far from her mind.

 

So far in fact, that she doesn’t see him standing in the doorway behind them, watching with a sad sense of acceptance as she kisses Ray. She doesn’t know that he came out to tell her the truth about the subway, to tell her that he felt the same connection, to apologize for lying to her. 

 

She doesn’t see him.

 

So he turns slowly and walks back into the apartment.

  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed the chapter!  
> please let me know what you think!
> 
> tumblr: smolsmoak  
> -rachel


	4. july 24th, 2021

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, I am finally updating this chapter. i'm so so sorry for the long wait and i hope you guys are still interested in this story. 
> 
> this was a very emotionally taxing chapter for me to write, but I really hope you guys enjoy it. Please leave a comment down below to let me know what you think! 
> 
> thanks,  
> rach

_ Oliver _

Oliver woke slowly, moving from unconsciousness unhurriedly in efforts to try and keep his dream locked in his memory. Already it was starting to fade, only leaving the feeling of happiness and warmth burning in his chest. He supposes it’s probably better that way, to not remember what caused that feeling, considering it was probably out of reach to him. Even if he doesn’t remember what exactly happened in his dream, instinctively he knows that Felicity was in it. Oliver’s eyes finally open at that, and he stares across his empty bed and out of the floor to ceiling windows of his loft. The sun is just beginning to peak over the horizon, and if he had to guess, he’d say it was about eight in the morning. 

Rolling over to his side, he picks up his phone to see his screen lit up with texts.

 

_ Thea: hey Ollie tell Felicity I said happy birthday. Oh, and that you love her. _

_ Sara: can we talk? I’ll see you at the party  _

_ Felicity: party starts at 10, come by whenever! _

 

Oliver decides to ignore Thea’s text and he responds to Sara and then Felicity.

_ Oliver: yeah, we can meet up _

_ Oliver: happy birthday lis, can’t wait to celebrate tonight xx  _

 

A smile finds itself onto Oliver’s face, even if it is a little tinged with heartache. The past seven months since Sara and Felicity’s Holiday party on Christmas Eve have brought a lot of changes to Oliver’s life. He and Sara decided to amicably part ways once they realized they weren’t getting what they needed from the relationship, and true to her word, Sara hadn’t treated him or Felicity any different after his confession. In fact, Sara had been badgering him for months to try and get Oliver to man up and tell Felicity how he feels, but she’s happy with Ray, so he holds his tongue. That’s been the biggest challenge for Oliver since he broke it off with Sara-- Felicity’s fledgling relationship with Ray Palmer. Since the party, they’ve practically been inseparable. And the truth is, he is honestly happy for Felicity and the happiness she seems to have found with Ray.

 

That doesn’t mean, however, that he doesn’t wish it was Oliver himself who was the one kissing Felicity goodnight, who was taking her out, who saw how she looked beneath him--- 

 

_ No.  _

 

He wasn’t going to go there. Not today, when he would have to see them together and hold his tongue. Not today, on his best friend’s birthday. The best friend who didn’t know he was in love with her. 

 

Sitting up to get out of bed, a single solitary word runs through his mind. 

 

“Fuck.”

* * *

 

Oliver waits patiently on the other side of the door, and he can barely hear the sounds of the party through the hardwood. In his hands are a bottle of wine for Felicity and Sara’s apartment and his decently enough wrapped birthday present, which he spent way too much time picking out. He can feel his heart racing, and it’s not a new sensation, at least where Felicity is involved.

 

Ever since he told Sara the truth (about his feelings, not about the subway) his nerves have increased tenfold when it comes to Felicity. It’s like he’s not able to push down the feelings of desire that always seem to knock him over when he sees Felicity. But it’s not just the simple desire for her body, even though that is certainly there. Oliver wants more than just sex-- he wants to finally tell her the truth about that day in Boston, he wants to watch her eyes light up, wants to hold her as she falls asleep, wake up next to her… 

 

He’s gone on her. 

 

The door opens in front of him and he’s immediately taken into a tight hug from Sara. Her curves against him are familiar, but don’t bring out the same desire they would have seven months ago. She squeezes quickly before letting him go. 

 

“Hi, stranger.” 

 

An easy smile lights up Oliver’s face. 

 

“Hey, Sar,” she pulls him into the apartment and he sees all of the decorations and a few of their mutual friends milling around the space. The apartment is bright and colorful and it immediately reminds Oliver of Felicity. “Where’s the birthday girl?” 

 

A hand clamps down on his shoulder, and he turns to see Curtis entering the apartment behind him. 

 

“If I had to measure a guess, she’s probably making use of one of the bedrooms, if you know what I mean,” Curtis’ joke falls flat and Oliver winces before taking another look at the room. Lo and behold, neither Felicity or Ray were anywhere to be found. Oliver can feel his stomach drop.

 

“Come on, Curtis-- that’s my best friend you’re talking about,” Oliver knows that Sara’s only pushing back against Curtis because he’s there. Because she knows about his feelings for Felicity. It’s a nice gesture, but it doesn’t stop his mind from wandering to what Felicity and Ray are doing. 

 

He’s not an idiot. He knows they have sex; he’s heard her and Sara gossip enough about it to be aware that  _ yes, Ray and Felicity have a very healthy sex life.  _ But it’s not something he likes to hear, or think about. Ever. Just the thought of the two of them together makes Oliver sick to his stomach. 

 

And he  _ knows _ he’s being a hypocrite; he was in an intimate relationship with Sara for a year while he knew Felicity, while he knew that he had feelings for her. He has no right to judge her for her relationship with Ray. But that doesn’t stop the beat of pain that rushes through his body at the thought of someone else with her. 

 

“Like that’s ever stopped you from talking about Lis’ sex life before! Remember when we got wine drunk and Felicity explicitly described ---” 

 

“Okay, we’re not doing this,” Thankfully, Sara grabs his hand and pulls him away from that trainwreck of a conversation. Oliver doesn’t want to know what Curtis had been about to finish saying. Sara pulls him over to the bar and pushes him into a seat.

 

“I’m sorry about Curtis, Ollie. He’s never been great at receiving context clues.” 

 

Oliver lets out a sharp chuckle.

 

“Somehow, I’m not surprised to hear that. But you don’t have to apologize--- I knew what I was getting into by coming here, and honestly, I’m fin---”

 

He’s not fine. 

 

Out of the corner of his eye, Oliver watches Felicity and Ray emerge from the long hallway that leads to the bedrooms. His eyes are immediately drawn to the beaming smile on Felicity’s smudged lips. She looks beautiful, wearing a dark purple dress with a cut out right above her cleavage. Her skin is glowing and he thinks that she’s never looked more stunning. Her and Ray are holding hands and Oliver can tell from his seat that Ray missed a button of his shirt. 

 

He feels like he’s going to throw up. 

 

Sara stops speaking and watches him watch her. She has a grimace on her face, and understanding shines in her eyes. Not for the first time, Oliver wishes that he could have just loved her like she deserved. That he could’ve been happy in their relationship. 

 

“Oh, Ollie.” 

 

Oliver can’t force himself to look away from Felicity, even though he knows he’s been staring at her for too long. Sara places a hand on his shoulder and squeezes gently. Just as he’s finally about to tear his eyes away, Felicity’s eyes meet his, and it seems as if her smile grows even larger. It causes his heart to skip a beat, and he wonders quickly,  _ could she---  _

 

No. 

 

He smiles softly back at her and watches as she whispers something to Ray before heading over to where they were sitting. When she gets close enough, she opens her arms for a hug and he pulls her in close, closing his eyes briefly. He wonders if she can feel how fast his is beating just from being this close to her. He feels like a creep. 

 

She fits perfectly against him and he shudders when she places her hands at the back of his neck, just barely brushing through his short hair. 

 

“I’m so glad you made it. I’ve missed you.” 

 

Felicity’s voice is warm and beautiful and he has an instinctual reaction to it. His smile seems glued to his face. 

 

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he pauses and breathes her in. She smells like lavender and vanilla and  _ home.  _ “Happy birthday.” Reluctantly, he pulls back from their hug and lets go of her to grab the gift. 

 

Without even opening it, Felicity looks back to him with something in her eyes that he can’t place. “Thank you.” 

 

“You don’t even know what it is,” Oliver chuckles.

 

“It doesn’t matter. It’s from you--- I know I’m going to love it,” she says. With that, she leans in slowly and places a soft kiss on his cheek. Right at the corner of his mouth. He has to stop himself from moving his head just to the side to feel her lips pressed against his own. 

Her eyes are shining brightly when she pulls back and he knows he looks like a heartsick idiot, staring at the girl he’s in love with, but he can’t wipe the smile off his face. 

 

At least he can’t until Ray comes up behind Felicity and wraps his arms around her slender waist, pressing a wet kiss into the side of her neck. 

 

Oliver turns away from them and Sara catches his eyes, looking sympathetic yet again. 

 

“Wow, I’m parched. What do we got to drink today, ladies?” Ray’s voice permeates Oliver’s thoughts and he has to stop himself from rolling his eyes. It’s not that he has anything against Ray, per se. Just that he reminds Oliver of all of the things he wants but can’t have. He’s living the life that Oliver wants, desperately, and it’s caused a fair bit of resentment to seep into his interactions with Ray. 

 

“I’m not sure--- I’m pretty thirsty too though, I’ll grab you something,” Felicity says. She tilts her head in a silent invitation towards Sara and she follows Felicity into the kitchen, not before sending him a guilty look. He watches them go for a second before turning his attention back to Ray, who is peering at him with a calculating look on his face.

 

Oliver looks from side to side quickly. “What?” 

 

“I’m on to you.” 

 

Oliver laughs quietly. “I don’t know what you mean.” 

 

Ray scoffs. 

 

“Come o-on! You think I don’t see the way you look at Felicity? How you talk to her? That I didn’t just watch you practically undress her with your eyes when we walked in?” 

 

Oliver opens his mouth to respond but it feels like he’s physically incapable of forcing any out. He doesn’t know what to say. He wants to lie, to say that Ray’s mistaken, that he’s only ever thought of Felicity as a friend. 

 

But he knows two things. 

 

One: Ray’s a smart guy. He’ll know that Oliver is lying. In his own words, he had just seen how Oliver had hugged Felicity. He’s probably known for months that his feelings for his best friend went beyond platonic. Sure, he could try to play it off just that they’re best friends and that he loves her because of that. But he knows that Ray would never believe him. 

 

Two: He’s spent nearly two years of his life lying about what Felicity means to him. He’s lied to her face, telling her that he didn’t remember their first meeting and what it meant to him. But even more than that, he’s lied to himself. Making himself think that he could ever only have platonic feelings for her, but over time, Oliver’s come to realize that’s just not possible.

 

He’s tired of lying about his feelings. 

 

“Okay, Ray, you’re right, you win. What does it matter?” Oliver suddenly aches for a drink to calm his nerves, but he knows he needs to face this head on. 

 

Ray laughs and a smug look of satisfaction finds its home on his face. 

 

“God, it must kill you to see her with me, huh? For all these months, wow.” Ray shakes his head and  Oliver takes a deep breath, turning slightly to look at Felicity out of the corner of his eye. She’s laughing with Sara by the refrigerator, without even a thought of the conversation he’s having right now with her boyfriend. 

 

“It must kill you to know that I just fucked her not twenty feet away from where you’re standing now,” Ray’s smirking at him now, and he wants nothing more than to punch him in his face. “That while you were  _ here  _ thinking about  _ her,  _ she was under me and you were nowhere in her mind. You didn’t matter to her; and you don’t.” 

 

Oliver clenches his jaw. 

 

“Listen, Ray-- I’m sure you must be worried that I’m going to try and mess up things between you and Felicity, but honestly, I’m not trying to do that. I can see,” he has to pause before his voice cracks. “I can see that she’s happy with you.” 

 

And she is--- he’s seen her smile more in the past seven months than he had in the year prior to that. But a small, albeit selfish, part of him wants to think that it’s because he’s no longer with Sara, but he doesn’t fool himself that much. 

 

Ray guffaws loudly at that. “You think I’m worried about  _ you _ ? Trust me, you are nowhere near a blip on my radar. I’m going to be honest with you, Oliver. I think we know each other well enough for that.” 

 

Oliver feels like he has to brace himself against whatever Ray’s about to say to him.

 

“I’m going to marry Felicity. It may not be today, or tomorrow, or even this year; but it’s  _ going to happen _ . And you need to accept that.” Oliver is stunned when the smarmy smirk on his face is replaced by a genuine smile, and Felicity and Sara walk back up to them, drinks in hand. 

 

Sara hands him a Moscow Mule, and he takes a sip, letting the ginger flavor wash over his taste buds and soothe away the anger simmering in his stomach. Oliver doesn’t think he’s ever hated another human being as much as he hates Ray right now. 

The four of them are silent for a second before Ray speaks up.

 

“We should go say hi to the rest of your guests, Felicity.” She looks up from where she was staring at her drink to hear him. Oliver notes that she looks unenthused at the prospect, but still offers him a small smile before taking her boyfriend’s hand and walking back out into the rest of the apartment, leaving him and Sara alone again. 

 

“You look like you’re about ready to punch your hand through a wall,” Sara takes a sip of her drink. “What happened between you and Ray? Did he say something to you?” 

 

Oliver watches as Felicity leans into Ray’s shoulder and presses a kiss against his shirt. He feels sick again. He can see it perfectly-- Mr. and Mrs. Ray Palmer, charming socialites for donations for years to come. He can see their boring life, filled with board meetings and unfulfilled dreams, neither of them fully satisfied, but neither willing to go out and look for more. The nausea turns to sadness. 

 

“Nothing I didn’t already know.” 

 

He downs the rest of his drink and immediately gets up to fix himself another one. If this party was going to be like this for the rest of the day, he was going to need alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. 

 

_ Felicity _

“Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Felicity, happy birthday to you.” 

 

Once the song ends, Felicity takes a deep breath and blows out the candles on top of her cake as her friends clap and cheer around her. With a smile on her face so wide she feels like she could split her face in two. Everyone she loves is around her; her friends, her coworkers, her boyfriend. Yet none of them is the one that the instinctively looks towards first. 

 

No, that’s Oliver.

 

He’s standing off to the side, near Sara, and her eyes are immediately drawn to him in the dim ambiance of the apartment. The smile on his face is just about as gentle as she’s ever seen it, and there’s a warmth in his eyes that does funny things to her stomach. His eyes seem to light up even more when they meet hers, and she thinks to herself that he’s never been more handsome.

 

He mouths, “Happy Birthday” and her heart pounds double time. She can feel a blush coming onto her cheeks and Felicity averts her eyes before she can convince herself that meant more than it did. She’d been doing that a lot recently; over analyzing her interactions with Oliver to see if there was anything else there. Especially since he and Sara broke up. 

 

Which she never really found out the reason for. The night of their Holiday party, the same night she had gotten together with Ray, it was obvious that they had a fairly intense conversation, but she hadn’t really thought anything of it until the next morning. Sara had simply come up to her, after Oliver had  _ not  _ spent the night, and told her that they had broken up. She had been shocked, since they had seemed so solid in the weeks prior, but she didn’t push. 

 

If she was being honest, Felicity didn’t really want to know the intricacies of dating Oliver-- that would make it too painful. 

 

She feels the wet slide of lips against her cheek and smells the strong scent of Ray’s cologne off to her side. Felicity immediately feels guilty for obsessing over Oliver (yet again), while her perfectly attentive boyfriend is sitting next to her.

 

And she does feel guilty. 

 

Because however close she gets to Ray, and however happy she is with him, she can’t stop herself from thinking that there’s something missing. They fit together well since they’re so similar in the ways they act and live their lives, they respect each other, and they have good sex. But there’s no passion between them. She doesn’t feel the need to rip off his clothes every time she’s around him, and she desperately wants that. 

 

But Ray is great. He’s kind, and smart, and he doesn’t ever look at her differently for her babbles. If she tried hard enough, Felicity is sure that she could convince herself that she loved him. And if she tries hard enough, she’s also sure she can ignore the way he looks at his secretary when he thinks she can’t see.

 

With the candles blown out, Ray reaches down to pluck the cake from the counter and one of their friends takes it into the kitchen to cut. Clapping his hands together, he looks down at her with a hand on her shoulder. 

 

“Present time?”

* * *

 

“Ray, come on!” 

 

Felicity’s sitting on her bed watching as her boyfriend angrily brushes his teeth. Huh, she never thought she’d watch someone brushing their teeth so hard but here she is. Ray’s been on edge since she blew out her candles, and now that all of the regular guests are gone, he’s ignored her since. Felicity doesn’t think she’s done anything to warrant this kind of behavior, especially on her birthday. Especially when  all she really wanted to cap off the night was a slow fuck in her bed, but the anger has been slowly simmering for the past half hour since the door last shut. Oliver is still here, in the living room talking to Sara over a bottle of wine. 

 

“Just talk to me!” She pulls her knees up to her chest and rests her cheek on them. “Please.” 

 

Ray moves to the sink and spits out the remaining toothpaste. 

 

“I don’t think you want to hear what I have to say to you right now.” 

 

Felicity rears back. “What’s that supposed to mean?"

 

Ray leaves the bathroom and flips the switch when he goes, shutting the door and leaning against it with his arms crossed over his chest. 

 

“Do you think I’m stupid?” He pauses like he expects her to answer his rhetorical question. “I just watched you making eyes at Oliver all fucking night. I put this party together  _ for you  _ and instead of spending your time with me, you spend it staring at that douchebag--” 

 

“Hey!” 

 

Her outburst seems to have stopped Ray’s train of thought. He looks genuinely shocked at her interruption, but Felicity couldn’t hold it in any longer. 

 

“I don’t care how upset with me you are; that doesn’t give you the right to talk about Oliver like that. He’s been nothing but kind to you and--” 

 

She’s cut off by his scoff.

 

“Sure, Felicity.  _ I’m  _ the bad guy here.” 

 

“Yeah, you are,” she pauses, and closes her eyes before she lets her anger get the best of her. “You are the one who is talking bad about one of my best friends. This was a perfect night, but you’re making it into something it’s not.” 

 

“Honestly, Felicity; do you expect me to believe that you’ve never fucked him? I saw the look in your eyes when we were singing to you. I saw the way you looked at him. Don’t lie to me.” 

 

Felicity was shell shocked. She couldn’t deny that yes, she may have had feelings once upon a time for Oliver, but she certainly had never had sex with him. And she certainly wasn’t in love with him. 

 

Right? 

 

“I’m not lying to you. I’ve never  _ fucked  _ Oliver. I’ve never kissed Oliver.  _ You  _ are my boyfriend _.  _ Nothing has  _ ever  _ happened between Oliver and I. Certainly not while you and me have been together.” 

 

Ray scoffs again and Felicity throws up her hands in the air, frustrated that he doesn’t believe her. 

 

“I said don’t lie to ---” 

 

“I’m not lying! Nothing has happened! Can you say the same about you and Anna?” Felicity suddenly gets the impulse to move, so she pushes herself off the bed and walks over until she’s face to face with Ray. 

 

Ray rears back quickly and she watches as his face turns red. He stutters for a moment before his gaze turns hard and cold. 

 

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”    
  


“I think you know.” 

 

Ray opens his mouth to respond, but is interrupted by a soft knocking on Felicity’s bedroom door. She holds up a finger.  _ This isn’t over.  _

 

Sara’s pretty face peeks around the edge of the door, and Felicity’s angry expression turns into a smile for her best friend. She looks a bit nervous, and Felicity wonders if she could hear her and Ray’s argument through the walls. She hopes not; especially since Oliver is probably still in the apartment and that would be a whole other can of awkward. 

  
“What’s up, Sar?” Sara grimaces as she glances between Felicity and Ray.

 

“It’s Oliver,” Felicity hears Ray scoff again and he mutters something that sounds like ‘unbelievable’. “He’s out in the living room and he’s pretty far gone. He seems upset and won’t talk to me. Can you help me out?” 

 

Felicity nods. “Yeah, just give me a second.” Sara smiles and closes the door gently behind her. 

 

Ray barely waits until the door is shut before he whisper-yells at her. “Are you kidding me? We’re in the middle of a conversation right now and you’re going to leave because  _ Oliver  _ needs you?” 

 

Felicity looks up at him, and for the first time since she’s met him, she realizes that he looks ugly. His face is screwed up in both jealousy and anger, and it causes a rush of discomfort to flow through her chest. She doesn’t recognize this Ray-- he’s completely different than the kind man who makes her feel valued and seen. 

 

“Yes-- that’s exactly what I’m going to do.” She pauses for a second, thinking her next words over carefully. “I think you should go back to your apartment. I don’t want you here tonight.” 

 

“You’re joking.” 

 

“No. I think we should take some space before one of us says something we don’t mean. Let’s take the night and talk tomorrow.” 

 

“Fine.” 

 

“Fine.” 

 

He pushes off from the wall and moves around her room quickly, gather his shoes and jacket and keys, not bothering to change out of his pajamas before he leaves her room quickly, slamming the door on his way out. 

 

Felicity lets out a sigh of relief and closes her eyes momentarily before preparing herself to go out and deal with a drunk Oliver. She’s never really seen him drunk before, so she doesn’t really know what to expect. 

 

She walks out of her room, pulling her hair back into a ponytail as she enters the living room. Oliver is sprawled out on the couch, with a half-empty bottle of water grasped in one hand and his head draped over the back of the cushions. His other hand is thrown over his eyes. Sara kneels in front of him with an empty bucket by her feet, she looks up as Felicity walks in. Felicity crouches down next to her and places a hand on Oliver’s knee. He doesn’t react beyond a soft groan. 

 

“Everything okay, Lis? I saw Ray leave-- he looked upset.” 

 

Felicity wants nothing more than to tell Sara everything that just went down between her and Ray, but if she did that, she’d have to tell her about her feelings for Oliver. And the truth is, Felicity’s not sure of how Sara will react to finding out Felicity is in love with her ex boyfriend. So Felicity plans to avoid that particular conversation for as long as she possibly can (forever if she’s able), even if it means she won’t get the advice from Sara she probably needs. 

 

“No, it’s not okay, but I’m not really ready to talk about it.” 

 

“Of course. I’ll be here when you need me though.” Sara places a warm hand on her wrist and Felicity moves to twist their fingers together, trying to imbue through the touch how much Sara’s support means to her. 

 

“Thank you.” 

 

“-Licityy?” Oliver’s slurred speech breaks the two up. Felicity gets up off the floor and kneels on the couch next to him, looking at his face for any signs of him getting ready to vomit. 

 

“I hafta tell you sumthin’, sumthin’ secret.” Felicity catches Sara’s eyes and grins. She’s never seen Oliver this drunk before. It’s adorable. 

 

“I’ll take that as my cue.” Sara pushes off from the ground and hands the empty bucket to Felicity with a whispered ‘good luck’. 

 

Oliver lowers his hand from his face and grabs Felicity’s free hand with it, tangling their fingers and Felicity tries not to recognize how nice it feels to be this close to Oliver. He’s clearly very drunk, and he’s about as touchy as she’s ever seen him before. 

 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

 

She leans down and lays her head next to his on the couch cushion, faced towards him with a mere few inches separating their faces. If she wanted to, she could count each freckle on the right side of his face, but instead she memorizes the way he looks in the soft light-- the way his long eyelashes flutter against his cheekbones, and how his strong nose and full lips look in his profile. She can smell a hint of the spicy aftershave she knows he uses since she bought him a pack for his birthday. With his hand in hers, and his scent echoing through her body, she feels like she’s home. 

 

It’s dangerous. 

 

Felicity watches as his eyes open and adjust to the dim lighting in the living room. 

“Some---sometimes I think about it you know?” 

 

“Think about what?” 

 

“Us. What it would be like if we were together.” 

 

Felicity’s heart simultaneously drops into her stomach and leaps into her throat and finds an interesting spot on the wall to stare at.   She takes a deep breath, and she can feel her heart beating against her ribcage. She feels as if she’s going to crawl out of her skin. Her mind is racing a million miles an hour but she can’t pick a single thought to latch onto enough to respond. 

 

“I think it’d be amazing. Fucking epic,” she hazards a glance at his face again and the soft smile on his face, so reminiscent of how he looked when he mouthed happy birthday to her, makes her feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

 

“Oliver--” 

 

“It’s okay though. I promise. I’m oh--okay with only having your friendship if that means I can have you in my life.” He sounds so sincere that Felicity can feel tears welling up in her eyes, stinging and burning. 

 

“Because as long as you’re in my life, I am happy. Deliriously happy. Just thinking about you makes my entire day,” he chuckles softly, and all of a sudden he doesn’t sound so drunk anymore.. “So because of that, I’m okay with you being with Ray.” He looks angry even saying the name. “Even though it fucking  _ kills  _ me. Because all I want in this world is for you to be  _ happy _ .” 

 

She’s crying now, hot trails of tears tracking down her cheeks as she stares at him, her mouth open in shock. How could he--- How could she---. Her mind doesn’t seem like it wants to believe the simple facts that Oliver is saying to her because they go against every single thing that she has told herself, time and time again, for  _ years.  _ Things she had to remind herself every single fucking day, when she would see the warm look in Oliver’s eyes-- so that she wouldn’t get swept up in the delusion that Oliver was in love with _ her. _

 

But looking at Oliver now, and even just from his profile, she can see that he’s wholeheartedly telling the truth. His feelings achingly bare with her for the first time since she saw him that cold December night. 

 

Suddenly, the years melt away and she’s back at that subway stop, feeling like she’s at the edge of a precipice, just waiting to fall over headfirst into the rest of her life. She’s the same girl who looked at a boy and felt her heart recognize that yes, he was the one for her. She wants nothing more than to turn his head to the side and finally,  _ finally  _ feel his lips press against hers. 

 

But she can’t.

 

Because she’s not that girl at the subway stop anymore. And he’s not the boy she saw through the car window. She’s a woman who has had to bury her feelings for him so far down that she thinks they’ll live inside of her for the rest of her life. She’s a woman with a boyfriend who, even though they fought like crazy tonight, loves her. And he’s a man who was in a long term relationship with her best friend. 

 

Felicity drops the bucket on the floor and raises her hand to wipe away the tears that stain her face. She can feel her heart breaking, and she knows that she has crossed the precipice, finally. However, she knows she crossed the wrong way. Instead of moving towards Oliver, she’s moved further away. And there’s something about that so achingly heart wrenching that all she wants to do is cry. 

 

If it was up to her, she’d go back to that goddamn day in Boston and get off the fucking bus. She’d walk up to Oliver, sitting on that bench, and kiss him right then. No missed opportunities, no regrets. No wondering about how her life should have turned out because she would have  _ gotten off the bus.  _

 

But it’s not up to her. 

 

It’s not. 

 

No matter how much she wishes it could be. 

 

With tears still streaming down her face and her hand covering her silent sobs, when Oliver’s breathing evens out, signaling that he’s fallen asleep, instead of kissing him like she aches to do, she pulls back. Slowly disentangling her fingers from his, she gets up from the couch, even though every nerve in her body is begging her not to, telling her to sit her ass back down where she belongs. 

 

She pulls a blanket out from the folding ottoman and gently lays it over Oliver’s prone body. 

 

Leaning down, taking one final look at his open face, with his mouth hanging open and the creases between his eyebrows finally smooth, she places the softest of kisses on his forehead. She lingers slightly, with her lips trembling as they press into his warm skin. Another sob nearly works its way out of her chest but she forces herself to move back. 

 

“I think we would’ve been fucking epic together, too.” 

 

He doesn’t hear her. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll try to update this soon! 
> 
> please leave a comment about what you thought! 
> 
> tumblr: smolsmoak

**Author's Note:**

> next part should be up tomorrow
> 
> you can find me on tumblr at smolsmoak
> 
> -rach


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